


If You Love Someone, Let Them Go

by shallwethen



Series: Mycroft and Sarah [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-08 01:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallwethen/pseuds/shallwethen
Summary: For once, Mycroft Holmes had given in to his feelings. Sarah lives with him and plans to marry him. The one thing they did not consider was children.





	1. Chapter 1

“Yes, and how’s the diet? Domestic life is making you fat. Now leave. No one invited you here anyway,” Sherlock snarked, displeased with his brother’s line of questioning. Sarah had watched things devolve many times. She had her theory, one she’d discussed with John. Sherlock had been fifteen when he started acting out and lashing out at Mycroft, the same age he was when Mycroft had started work on his master’s degree, taken over for Uncle Rudy, and stopped coming home with regularity. She could see the barely perceivable twitch of Mycroft’s jaw the same way John had noticed the way Sherlock’s hand flexed. They discussed their Holmes men with regularity, attempting to piece a part the relationship between the two. Each cared for the other, but could barely admit it.

“John invited us,” Sarah interjected, Rosie on her hip and her voice firm. “Mycroft just worries about your health, you ass. We’re coming to babysit, so you and John can go to dinner on your own.”

“Well, I suppose you were invited, though why John didn’t simply invite Sarah, I don’t understand.”

“We both wanted to see Rosie,” she sighed. “We’re her aunt and uncle. Besides, your brother missed you.”

“I’ve seen him plenty,” Mycroft lied, hand still on his umbrella as he stood by the door.

“Oh shut up, both of you,” John groaned. “Sherlock missed him too.”

“See! I told you Myc!”

“I did not! I merely noted he hadn’t dropped by for whatever reason. It’s at least a biweekly occurrence.”

“And one you missed,” John teased.

“And one Mycroft missed. He mentioned meetings were keeping him from it.”

“More like cakes,” Sherlock groused, dropping beside John on the couch.

“I like him with a little extra weight. It’s hot,” Sarah grinned, winking at Mycroft.

“That’s a lie,” Sherlock said simply.

“I have data you most likely don’t want to hear that says she isn’t lying,” Mycroft hummed, a slight smirking taking over his features. “Is frequency of intercourse something I need to update you on now?”

“John, stop him,” Sherlock groaned.

“Intercourse with Mycroft is Sarah’s job,” he said, hands up.

“It’s my favorite hobby,” she laughed, happy to see the slightest blush rise to his cheeks. John and she had taken to a new hobby: getting the brothers flustered. Mycroft had gripped the umbrella tighter, a blush rising to his cheeks as he cleared his throat. Sherlock was disgusted, rushing off to change.

“We won that round,” John stated, moving to take Rosie. Mycroft scoffed, watching as she followed the doctor. “Rosie’ll just need a bottle around seven. She should be asleep by seven-thirty. Try to make it happen. If she’s just on the couch with you asleep, it’s fine. Sherlock is great at moving her without waking her up.”

“Good deal,” she smiled. “We’ll be here when you guys get back. Have fun!”

“Thanks for this, Sarah. I miss seeing him on our own on occasion.”

“I get it. Sometimes I put in the calendar we’re gonna have a date. His assistant helps.” John laughed, passing Rosie to her and departing with SHerlock when he came out. Mycroft decided it was now appropriate to make himself a little more comfortable, slipping his jacket off and settling in a seat in his waistcoat.

“I have gained weight,” he groused. 

“I really do like it,” she grinned, sitting beside him once she had Rosie settled with her toys.

“You’re just trying to soothe my ego.”

“No. You’re a little softer. More cuddly. Better butt. And I like a little bit of a belly. It’s sexy.”

“That’s probably some evolutionary minutia about fatherhood. We aren’t having children.”

“I know,” she said, bristling slightly. The topic had been discussed for the first time the night before, and it scared Sarah. A family had always been an important part of her dream for herself. Now it felt she had to choose between the man she’d come to love fiercely and the children she longed for. “Doesn’t mean I can’t think you’re sexy. I’d think you wouldn’t want to talk me out of that.”

“True,” he said softly, taking her hand. “Sarah, please don’t be angry.”

“I’m not, it’s just still raw.” He nodded, smiling to himself fondly when Rosie came and requested Sarah’s lap and an episode of her favorite show before dinner.

The blonde baby curled up on Sarah’s lap made his heart warm more than he could ever have anticipated. He’d not spent time with the girl without her father and Sherlock around. Now, he watched Sarah hold her and could evaluate how he felt about it. Surprisingly, he liked it. What he did not expect was for Rosie to climb into his lap, laying her head on his chest and planting her thumb in her mouth.

At first, Mycroft stared at her, lacking the frame of reference that would tell most what to do with her. In the back of his mind, he remembered the way everyone seemed to keep their hand on a baby’s back, even when they clearly were not going to fall. Cautiously, his hand came to rest on Rosie’s back.

“Last time I held a child, it was Sherlock,” he mused, watching Rosie. “She’s much less mischievous. Sherlock would be eating my buttons by now.”

“Every child is different. She’s at the age they start showing personality.”

“She does seem to enjoy dancing more than most in the house. I suspect Sherlock is encouraging it.”

“That’s how children develop interests. The adults around them. You and your siblings may have always been brilliant, but I’m sure your mathematician mother encouraging intellectualism didn’t hurt. And your father baking cakes didn’t make you enjoy baking. Then you bear no resemblance to Uncle Rudy.”

“I’m not a transvestite.”

“You’re also not stupid. Monitoring the family.” He went quiet, looking at the little girl on his chest.

“Well, Rosie, Aunt Sarah is quite ridiculous. You and I will be practicing your letters next time. You’re going to be a reader, like us.”

“Want me to bring you her bottle? You can feed her.” 

“If you would like me to, I will.” Sarah knew her fiance well enough to know he wanted to. “You know, children make me nervous because of Sherlock.”

“I assumed.”

“I failed him. He overdosed so many times. He developed his addictions. And I wasn’t home to stop it.”

“That isn’t on you. It was his response.”

“To what? A supportive family? Overwhelming intellect?”

“Being self-absorbed and incapable of articulating his feelings and assuming his brother coming home less was his brother abandoning him.”

“That’s preposterous,” he scoffed, settling the bottle in Rosie’s mouth.

“Mycroft, I think it’s true. From what you’ve said you came home and took him on special outings in undergrad, yeah?” She waited for him to nod. “Then that stopped when you took over for Rudy. He was a bratty teen who trends towards self destruction.”

“He started acting out as retaliation?”

“Yes. That’s what teens do. Some are just more susceptible to addiction.”

“What about Eurus?” Sarah glared at him, jaw tight.

“She is an entirely different matter. She didn’t develop the same ability to form relationships or understanding of feelings.”

“Another genetic factor.”

“If that’s how you choose to look at it.”

Mycroft leaned back, watching Rosie play with the edges of his waistcoat. If that was the case, he certainly couldn’t have children. Genetics played a role in addiction. If he was never home, teens act out, and his genes held a susceptibility, it was unfair to consider it. 

“That settles it then. I’m not having children.”

“You said that last night. Please stop rubbing salt in the wound,” Sarah sighed, arms wrapped around herself. 

“If it isn’t something you’re okay with, we ought to reconsider marrying.”

“You think I don’t know that?” she whispered, chewing her lip. “I don’t want for us to end, but I also don’t want to end up resenting you. I’ve always wanted children.”

“Then maybe it’s best we suspend wedding planning,” he suggested, stomach tight at the prospect. If he were honest, the idea of Sarah holding a child that was theirs was perfect. But then reality set in. “Why don’t we discuss then when we aren’t babysitting?”

“You’re right,” Sarah smiled tightly, sniffing as she helped him burp Rosie. “Best wait until tomorrow for that conversation.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t care how they turned out. You won’t raise another Eurus, and you won’t let a child become Sherlock. You were twenty-two, Mycroft. If you raise a child, you’ll be aware of the signs,” she argued. They’d been hashing things out in the evenings for a week now. She’d still be sore about the subject, and he would ask her if not having a child would make her unhappy. Trying to decide if losing him or losing the chance for future children hurt more was hard enough. 

“You don’t know that, and the evidence at hand says I shouldn’t have a child.”

“You wouldn’t be alone. You’d have me. It wouldn’t be you having a child. It would be us.”

“Why is this something you’re focusing on right now?” She sighed, face in her hands as she turned to face him. Moving to grip the counter, she focused in on him. 

“I thought I was pregnant when it came up. I was so excited. Made an appointment to go find out the Monday after we babysat. Luckily for you, I’m not. But I’m sad about it, Mycroft. I kept picturing you holding our child, and it hurts to know you’d have been upset.”

Mycroft froze, not knowing how he ought to handle the situation. For once, he wasn’t sure he could tell her it would be okay. Stepping to her, he wrapped her in his arms. It wasn’t fair. She’d shown him what it was to be happy, that he had always been lonely. They weren’t going to end up married. It wouldn’t be fair to her to take her dream of a family away. The selfish part of Mycroft wanted to lie, keep her here as long as possible.

“I won’t lie to you, Sarah. I would have been scared and unhappy,” he murmured into her hair. “If you feel this strongly, maybe we should reevaluate our relationship. I want nothing more than to marry you, but I want you happy more than I want to marry you.”

“I love you,” she whispered against his chest. “I don’t want to leave, but I don’t know if I can be happy without starting a family.”

“If you wish to stay in my home but not in my bed, I can settle you in the guest room. Then you can make the decision without me crowding you.”

“I’d like that,” she said softly. She hated the reality of the what that meant; she was easing herself back into life without Mycroft Holmes. “Promise that if I’m not here, we can still be friends. I couldn’t lose you entirely.”

“Darling Sarah,” he said softly, pressing his forehead to hers and cupping her cheeks. “You will never rid your life of me. If you ever change your mind, I’m one phone call away. I will always love you. No distance or time could change that, and I will not spend my time wondering if you are okay. I will always keep an eye on you.”

“I’ll move into the guest room before I go back to Baker Street.” He took a shaky breath as a tear fell from her eye. This was going to be the end, and suddenly, Mycroft Holmes felt sick.

“Promise me you’ll always keep your ring,” he asked, his voice barely audible. “It was a gift.”

“I will,” she swore, kissing him softly. “And I won’t back out of the opera this weekend. I’ll wait until next week to move. I don’t want mummy to take things too badly.”

“I’m sure you two can maintain a relationship. I’d like it if you did. She loves you.”

“I love you.” Her arms slipped around him, head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. This was the healthiest thing to do. All of her friends had agreed. Sarah cursed herself for saying yes to a proposal so quickly. They hadn’t been together a year yet. 

“I love you, too,” he said, lifting her up. “Sleep beside me one more night, Sarah.”

“Please, I’d like that.” She didn’t bother to wash her face, stripping to her underclothes and curling up against Mycroft’s side one he’d done the same. Sarah was determined not to cry yet. “We can still try to figure out what we are. I may live somewhere out and realize a life without you is more unbearable than a life without children.”

“True,” he mused, smoothing her hair as she laid against his chest. “I just never want you to feel trapped. I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up before our relationship escalated. I got swept up in you and lost my logic.”

“I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”

Except children, he thought, hand running down her spine. It wasn’t children, though he couldn’t let her in all the way. It was the loss of control. Protecting Sarah was hard enough when he also knew she was perfectly capable on her own. He knew what kind of adult she’d become. He couldn’t predict how his child would turn out, if they’d become like the Holmes siblings. What’s worse, they couldn’t defend themselves. 

And what if they were like Eurus?

What if he couldn’t defend the world or themselves from them?

But then there was the image of Sarah holding their child that never failed to creep into his head when he saw her cradle Rosie to her chest. Sarah was all emotion while he was all logic. Would she be able to counteract the Holmes genes that led to Sherlock’s susceptibility to addiction and Eurus’s cruelty? Were her theories right and had their home simply been a perfect storm that created them both?

Nature versus nurture never carried as much weight as it did now.

“Darling, I understand taking time apart, but I will also reevaluate my stance,” he whispered into her hair. 

“You’re going to consider a child?” she whispered, looking up at him.

“It would be unfair to ask you to consider your feelings on the subject without considering my own.”

“I really appreciate that.”

“I love you. I am not taking this time apart lightly.”

“I didn’t think you were. Does this mean we can talk in a month or a week or however long it takes?”

“I’d like that. I just have to process things and cannot promise I will be quick to reevaluate.”

“I know, Myc. I know this all isn’t easy for you. You would’ve just kicked me out and moved on at first.”

“I wish I could say you aren’t correct in that assumption. I know better now.”

“Just promise me you’ll really visit me.”

“I will. I’ll still take you to dinner on Fridays. How’s that? We keep our dinners, even if you move on and marry some man I despise and have a whole brood of children.”

“I don’t want to marry anybody but you is the problem,” she chuckled lowly. “So we aren’t ending it? Just dialing back?”

“I’d prefer if we don’t end things just yet. We can decide once we’ve evaluated.”

“How long will that be?”

“I don’t know, darling. Hopefully, not long.”


	3. Chapter 3

True to her word, Sarah attended the opera with Mycroft and a mummy Holmes who knew something was amiss and had the kind heart not to ask. The next day was Sunday, and Sarah used it to return to Baker Street. Mycroft, as usual, had her things moved for her, and she stole some of his shirts to comfort her. It was more painful than she could have ever anticipated to be away from him. Her engagement ring now sat in a dish beside her bed. 

At first, she’d worn it on her other hand. That soon ended when she got a cup of coffee and had to fight tears when someone asked about the change. Now, it stayed at home, but she wore it around the apartment. The necklace he gave her never came off, and she doubted it would if they were to separate. Mrs. Hudson brought her tea, never mentioning Mycroft, and Sarah knew she was most likely hoping the engagement was over. 

Holding Rosie reminded her she was doing the right thing. It was between semesters, and she gladly accepted the role of babysitter. Sarah’s certainty she wanted children hadn’t wavered, and as she stood in the hallway when Mycroft walked in, she realized her certainty that he was the man she wanted to marry hadn’t wavered either.

“Sarah,” he’d said softly, not having processed she’d have this week off. “I didn’t expect you to be here, or I’d have told you I would be here.”

“I’m here,” she smiled softly, taking him in. He’d lost the weight she’d put on him, and she realized that she’d gained it in the last month. That said, he looked tired, and she worried he wasn’t sleeping again. They’d both had nightmares after the experience with Eurus, and she worried his had returned as hers had. He’d had to cancel two dinners, and she’d done the same. Maybe they were lying and it was emotions keeping them from facing each other.

“You are,” he nodded, stepping towards her. “May I hug you?”

“I thought we weren’t ending things.” The bitterness in her voice surprised her. This wasn’t his fault. She could have picked up the phone, texted, discussed her wants in life earlier. 

“I thought you wanted space.”

“I don’t know what I want.” With that, he stepped forward, wrapping her in a hug and kissing her hair. 

“I don’t either,” he admitted, rubbing her back when he felt her start to cry. “I miss you terribly.”

“I miss you too,” she whispered. “We’re still having dinner Friday, right?”

“If you’d like to, nothing would make me happier.”

“Can we go somewhere more casual? I’m scared I’ll cry in a nice restaurant.”

“We can go anywhere.”

She nodded, kissing his cheek. 

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m visiting. I wanted to see Rosie.”

“Oh?” she asked, brow furrowing.

“I’m seeing how I react to prolonged exposure to a child.”

“You’re actually a robot, Myc,” she chuckled, and the return of her smile brightened Mycroft’s mood.

“If I were a robot, would I be as mad about you as I am?” SHe laughed, kissing his cheek. 

“Go see Rosie.”

“Come help me if I need it.”

“John will be there.”

“I actually will be alone with her for the first time. Sherlock and John are attending a play. We were going to surprise you later.”

“Look at you,” she smiled softly, hoping this meant things wouldn’t end.

“I’m not sure she’s changed my mind, but Rosie has made me more open to the idea of children.”

“Yeah?”

“Not decided, Sarah.”

“That was mean to get my hopes up,” she muttered, face falling again. 

“I didn’t mean to be cruel. It won’t be long in this limbo.”

“I hate it,” she admitted, hands resting on his hips. “I stole your shirts.”

“I noticed. I refuse to wash your pillowcase.” She kissed his cheek, stepping back. 

“I’ll be in my apartment if you need me. Don’t hesitate.”

“I won’t. I haven’t had her more than an hour with John or Sherlock there.”

“You’ll do well. I know you will.”

“You always have so much faith in me, Sarah.”

“I should,” she assured him. “You’re the best man I know.”

He scoffed, making his way up the stairs. Soon enough, John had run him through the girls’ night routine again and kissed her goodbye.

“Well, it appears it’s just us,” he said to the little girl on his hip. “My research says children your age are learning their animals.”

“Dog!” Rosie squealed, nodding as she pointed to her stuffed animal.

“Yes, very good,” Mycroft said, sitting on the couch beside her toy. Rosie picked it up, looking up at him expectantly. He sighed. “What does the dog say?”

“Woof, woof!” she squealed in delight. Mycroft felt out of his element, sure, but Rosie’s reaction made him smile fondly.

“What about the cat?”

“Meow!” she giggled, clapping her hands.

“The pig?” A happy snort. The image of Mycroft Holmes, having removed his jacket, with Rosie Watson sitting next to him as he named animals and the girl squealed in delight before imitating them was not what one would expect to see in 221B, but it was what greeted Sarah as she came in. Mycroft had let go, imitating each animal with her. Mycroft looked up, hands still by his face as he mimicked a hissing cat with Rosie, and he went quiet, putting his hands down as his cheeks went ever so slightly pink.

“Having fun?” Sarah laughed, moving to pick up Rosie. The little girl shook her head, climbing on Mycroft’s lap as he help her awkwardly. 

“I do believe we are,” he said, a proud smile on his face. “Would you care to stay for dinner? We’re having mashed peas.”

“A delicacy.”

“Only the best for Rosie,” he smiled, taking her to the kitchen. Sarah moved to fix food for her. “No, Sarah. I want to know how I’ll fare as an adult.”

“Deal,” she nodded, sitting at the table. Mycroft maintained the same elegance she loved about him as he moved around the kitchen with Rosie on his hip. The little girl reached for the Tupperware lid, and Sarah’s heart warmed as he unconsciously took her hand and kissed her little fingers before chiding her.

“No Rosie,” he murmured, placing her bowl on the highchair tray and settling her to sit. “Dinner, bath, and bed.”

“You’re a natural,” Sarah smiled softly. 

“I did a lot of the work with Eurus and Sherlock,” Mycroft admitted. “Mummy and father worked quite a lot, and I watched them both.”

“So you’re kind of the third parent?”

“Hadn’t you noticed?”

“A little, but I didn’t want to pick on you.” Rosie was taking her dinner gladly, watching Mycroft and babbling to him. What had Sarah entranced was to way Mycroft responded.

“Ah yes… Of course… Do you think?” He moved his attention to her easily, not phased as he cleaned spit and peas from his shirt. “Now, I do believe it’s bath and a bottle for you. Sarah, if you wish to keep staring, you’re welcome to.”

“I can’t help it. You’re really good at this.”

“We need to talk when Sherlock and John get home.”

“We really do.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sarah had spent the rest of the evening in her own apartment waiting for Mycroft. Whether or not he wanted children, Sarah decided she wanted him. Maybe they wouldn’t have a child, but her life was full of children; they wouldn’t be hers, but she could still spend her time with them. Mycroft knocked, and she went to answer it. He didn’t hesitate this time, pulling her to his chest. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“I don’t care if we have children. I need you, Myc,” Sarah whispered once the door was closed. “I’d be no good as a mom if I spent my whole life regretting giving you up and resenting their father.”

“I’m open to the idea of children, but not certain,” he said, lips pressed into her hair. “I-I think I could do it with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” he said, leading her to the couch and sitting. Her legs rested on his lap as she stayed close. It had been a month, and both of them feared distance meant the other would disappear. 

“I think you’d be a phenomenal father. I won’t push it past tonight.”

“Sarah, I’m afraid,” he admitted, eyes fixed ahead. “I couldn’t take another loss. Each time I find Sherlock, it hurts more. I couldn’t save Eurus. Sherlock said she wanted friends, but I ensured she was locked away with no contact. Maybe if I’d been a better brother as a child--”

“That’s just it,” Sarah said, sitting up and pulling him to look at her. She’d never seen him look so exposed. “You were a child, Mycroft. A child put into an impossible situation. Eurus is not the normal issues a child presents. And when it comes to Sherlock, I am so proud of how you handle him. He is an addict, and that is, unfortunately, something that could happen. You ensure he’s safe, and that’s all you can do.”

“You’re proud of me?” Mycroft whispered, disbelief evident. He knew mummy and father believed he’d let down his siblings. Eurus hated him for obvious reasons. Sherlock seemed to despise him. He’d let each of them down in ways he couldn’t imagine failing a child. He had to work hard, stay unattached. Caring not only gave you a weak spot to be manipulated; caring meant you had people to let down.

“I am,” she promised, cupping his cheek. “You’re loyal, brilliant, loving, and hilarious. You were given impossible responsibility too young, and you handled it with the grace and dignity that is innate in who you are.”

“I want a child with you,” he admitted, closing his eyes as he took her hand. “I truly do. But, I truly do not believe I deserve you or our potential children.”

“How about this?” she whispered, kissing his forehead. “We still get married, and we don’t plan. If I get pregnant, we raise a beautiful baby. If I don’t, we simply live our lives together.”

“I think that’s a good place to start,” he nodded, opening his eyes and watching her. “Come home, Sarah. I hate being there without you.”

“I haven’t unpacked,” she admitted. “I’ve been living out of boxes hoping we weren’t going to end.”

“I’ve kept your side of the closet empty, your bathroom counter bare, and your nightstand still has the tray you keep your reading glasses on.” He took her hand, moving the emerald ring back to her engagement finger. 

“Stay here, tonight,” she murmured, hand running through his hair.

“Gladly. I’ve not slept well.”

“I know. You’ve also lost weight.”

“Isn’t that a positive?”

“You’re always sexy, but I liked a little belly,” she reminded him, kissing him slowly and leading him to her room. 

The next morning, Mycroft woke before her, opting to watch her sleep. Sarah would never admit it, but she wasn’t sleeping either while they were apart. She’d been in the sun more during the warm weather; freckles peppered her cheeks and shoulders that were not there before. Her hair was lighter, too.

“You’re staring,” she teased, voice thick with sleep.

“Can’t help myself,” he smiled, running his fingers through her hair. “The view is exquisite.”

“You’re a sap.”  
“You’re marrying me.”

“We should just elope.”

“That would be ideal.”

“I’d absolutely marry you today,” she whispered, grinning. 

“I have to go to work today. I can take Tuesday afternoon.”

“Let’s do it. I wanna be Mrs. Mycroft Holmes. Being away from you told me you’re it for me.”

“Sarah Holmes. That sounds absolutely perfect. I have to go to work today. Is the semester starting this week or next?”

“Next. I’ll move back home today.”

“That would be perfect,” he smiled softly. “I need my better half there.”

“Mycroft Holmes throwing out cliches?” she teased. 

“Yes, well, I see the origin now.” 

“Get cleaned up. I’m sure someone is bringing a suit now. I’ll fix breakfast,” she hummed, kissing him softly as she slipped his shirt over her frame. "I'll be home when you get there tonight."

As Mycroft made his way to Sarah's shower, he thought himself lucky for the first time in his life.


End file.
